Facing Reality

Last night, before my eyes shut and I entered into a land that no dirty dishes or crying babies were allowed, I found myself in a foul mood. I came to the realization that my "baby" was no longer an actual baby, but at the brink of being a full-blown toddler.


I was in shock. How did this happen without me knowing? Where had the last year and a half gone? Why was I losing my baby and never getting her back???


I now understand that I was being a bit dramatic (a trait I attempt to dissuade from popping up at every chance) and hormonal, but can you blame me? For my child's ENTIRE life I have taken care of her and been the center of her universe. Now she is starting to realize that mommy is not the most unique and interesting person. She now has friends and play dates.


I'm not saying that I am not thrilled that my beautiful, healthy baby is growing into an independent and vivacious toddler, but I always think of her as my precious widdle baby. Stepping into this new stage of life means she's that much closer to becoming a child...and then pre-teen...and then the dreaded teenage! I can already see her with her packing her bags and leaving the woman who gave all for her in the dust.


I was also truly upset because my baby days are over. I am not planning to have another child anytime soon, so this was it...and it's OVER! Sure when I see the newborns or small infants I get that stirring in my heart, but then I hear them scream and see the sheer exhaustion in the parent's eyes and can easily walk away.


I guess with my baby changing, it also means that I'm changing. I'm no longer that bright-eyed girl with free rein of her life and nothing tying her down. I'm going to miss that girl as well, she knew how to party!


Right before I finally let my consciousness slip I decided there was no use fighting the inevitable, but rather accepting my fate. Why was I complaining? I love my family and my life. My child is the light of my life, my motivation and inspiration. My husband is my best friend and amazingly I still find him charming and sweet. I have the luxury of living with both sides of the family ridiculously close (my in-laws live down the street) and they are madly in love with my daughter and help out without hesitation. More than that, I am more comfortable with the person I am than I have ever been.


Here we go...